FOCUS

A word about FOCUS: Valpo takes its orientation VERY seriously.  At UW, it seems like if you can escape the clutches of Mary Aguayo and Pepper Jo Six, your life during orientation can go on as normal.  Not at Valpo.  It truly is an all-hands-on-deck operation, headed up by the very organized, very competent, and tremendously scary Jennifer Jones-Hall, or JJH for short.  JJH drives a formidable black Lincoln with JJH on the license plate.  Upsetting JJH earns you a one-way ticket to hell. She's like a hippogriff—FOCUS is her ego, and if you insult it by messing up, you are a dead man.  But, otherwise, you're probably going to get a pretty cool person.  Yes, that was a shameless Harry Potter reference.  Can you tell I'm ready for the final film to come out??

Because everyone devotes SO MUCH time for FOCUS, there's a lot of hurry-up, then wait.  It's life.  Also, because Building Services is so busy flipping the buildings between sessions (there are four total), us lovely interns are tasked with making beds.  Valpo truly wants students and parents to have memorable experiences, and that means having a nicely made bed to retire to at the end of the day.  We've done two buildings three times so far, and have one more bout to go.  It is quite possibly the least thrilling task on the planet, but no one ever said it was supposed to be fun.  The word "linen" has become an ick word for me, but at least I'm almost done!  However, though my time making beds may be near an end, my hatred of the word "linen" is here to stay.  Nasty.

Besides making beds, the rest of FOCUS tasks are for the most part pretty enjoyable.  It's always amusing to see new students come to campus for orientation, because they essentially are still high schoolers.  HS graduation is still fresh in their memories, and the reality of college hasn't entirely set in yet.  None of them know how to act around each other, and they are all trying to play it cool and hide how scared and nervous they are.  We were all there once, but it's interesting to watch.

Some notable stories:  Today I was directing people in the student residence hall.  Two girls stared quizzically at the mailboxes by the front desk area.  They are letter-sized, like most campus mailboxes for students.  One girl broke the silence by saying, "Those are cute little mailboxes."  Pause.  The other chimes in, "Yeah, but how do they fit packages into them?"  Freshmen are our future.  Haha.  Another notable student was an early check-in for FOCUS 2.  Her parents left and went to the parent residence hall.  She came to us and asked if there was a place to eat (probably meaning in the building).  We started telling her about the restaurants within walking distance of campus.  She looked at us with a shocked face and asked, "You mean I'm allowed to leave campus???"  It was hilarious and cute.  Welcome to adulthood—the magical part of your life where you can go where you want when you want.

My parent stories are notable, but less funny .  Okay, scratch that, they ARE funny, but they are ... awkward.  I thought I'd met all the types of parents: annoying helicopter parents, overly demanding parents, "don't give a shit" parents, "my child is an angel, even though everyone can clearly see they are the devil" parents, and so on.  FOCUS has introduced me to "awkward divorced parents."  This is a category I am unfamiliar with.  We have had several (several!) divorced or separated parents come to check in, only to find that a registration mistake has placed them in the same room.  Oops.  Not a particularly difficult problem to fix, but a potentially hostile and awkward one nonetheless.  One of these mishap couples stands out.  Read below for the awkwardness.

Okay, so this couple has a precious child who is talented enough to have been scouted to be third-string on Valpo's massively losing football team (Too harsh?  If it were anything but true, perhaps.  I've been told the mighty Crusaders are on a bit of a streak.  And not the good kind.).  Anyway, Mr. and formerly-Mrs. Third String were promptly moved to separate rooms.  She got to stay—we took his key and gave him a key to another room.  When I was working the desk that night, they both came in, together, and seemed rather jovial for a messily separated couple.  After telling me all about their wonderful son, he decided to retreat to bed—after telling me that Jordan, who was with me, was attractive and that I should "go for that."  Right in front of her.  Awkward.  The mother stayed for awhile after that, telling me all sorts of stories about which sports stadiums have nearby hotels where you can have sex and have the people in the stadium see it.  Why?  I do not know, but apparently this was relevant information for Jordan and me.  After a tortuous 20 minutes or so, she went to bed.  The next morning, JJH (dun dun DUN) asked about the couple, because apparently the mother of Johnny Third String spent the night with her ex-husband because we (the FOCUS staff) hadn't taken care of her rooming situation at check-in—which we clearly did, of course.  I'm not sure what happened.  Maybe he pretended he couldn't get into his new room.  Maybe they made a ... mistake ... and tried to blame us in their guilt.  Whatever happened, it wasn't our fault, but she made it out to seem like our "mistake" had resulted in her distress and impending rage from her current husband.  ACUHO-I interns ... tearing up families.  That's what we do.  We're glad to do it.  Barf.

It's late and I'm going to bed.  FOCUS check-out tomorrow.  In like 5 hours.  Until next time!